The Esper Realm

6:21pm: Driven
( Die Hard Fan )

For some months now--nearly a year, really--I've been so wrapped up in my three big projects I hardly think about much else. It's a strange feeling, kind of anxious yet exhilarating, always pressing towards a goal... Sometimes even taking a minute to eat supper feels like a chore. I can't wait for the day I'll really have something to show for it.

Back to practicing with my new tablet, now.

11:20am: ...and dogs drool
So as my buddy has said, cats are jerks who will hang out with you once in a while, and dogs are like little retards who want to be your best friend.

I'm watching my grandfolks' weiner dog, Sassie, at their house while they're out for the rest of the month. It's a nice vacation from the trailer I've been staying in, what-with it being crowded and noisy (and I get the internet all to myself now), although it definitely reaffirms that I'm more of a cat person than a dog person.

They're fine animals, really, but it's like they're always sitting around waiting for YOU to do something: play with them, feed them, pet them love them etc--and when you do they reward you with dirt and slobber. And though their UNDYING LOVE for you is nice, I don't really want any more needy, smelly people in my life, much less animals. My nephew is annoying enough.

I miss my kitty. :(
I'm sure she's in a nice place...

3:41pm: Precision Child Abuse
So my baby nephew's first word is "bye." He loves to wave and shout it at anybody walking out the door.
Of course everyone finds this adorable, but I can't help thinking that it's just a little... I dunno, foreboding for a first word.

( Now for something more interesting. )

8:31pm: Don't Rock the Rodeo
Yesterday was my first time:

1) at a livestock show
2) at a rodeo
3) at a music concert
4) wearing a cowboy hat
5) and a scarf

Rather enjoyed it all--best time I've had in Houston since I went to Astroworld as a kid. Saw a jillion animals, many large and smelly. Watched grown men get owned by beasts. Then there was an Alan Jackson concert immediately afterward, although country music bores me. I only paid attention to the pretty lights.
Got home by midnight and woke up four hours later to go to work, yee haw.

9:34pm: conservation of time theorem wut now
So LJ, I have all these empty spaces for userpics, I see. Decided to quickie-color some piece of crap I drew at work on scrap paper.
(Finally finished writing LEA's diary yesterday. It only took one or two or... ten years. Needed an avatar to celebrate. 'sup, Booger.)

...Damnit, I knew I wasn't going to get anything useful done tonight.

10:05pm: Pimp Cats and Dog Taxi
You know, for all the times I watched Gay Purr-ee as a wee'un (owned the VHS), I never quite realized that it was about a cat prostitution ring. Huh.

So, I've nearly finished another long ol' fanfic that I started last year, and it's got me thinking hard about whether or not I want to write another. I have other projects I'd really like to do as well, y'see, so it's a matter of limited time and competing interests.
I sometimes wonder: am I a better artist or writer? Not that I plan to give up either hobby, but hypothetically, if I had to... which is my stronger suit?
(There we go, ego-stroking question of the week.)

In other news, I ended up playing pet taxi for my boss at the pawn shop. He wanted to adopt a stray dog, but couldn't take her home for technical reasons: he was riding a motorcycle (I guess if you strapped the dog to... okay, nevermind.) Anyway, she didn't make a mess in my unpimp ride, so I was cool with it.

1:55am: Pawne Shoppe Tales Issue #1
( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

9:48pm: Cookies never lie
I got hired as a security guard at the gate of a local chemical plant (about a month after getting a fortune cookie that said I had a possible career change coming up! Cookies never lie.) It's my training week, and so far it's a pretty sweet gig, even if I do have to talk to a buttload of truckers. The company ultimately wants to schedule me weekends, which has lots of downtime all by my lonesome that I'll most likely spend drawin' and stuff--which is great, because I could use some seriously disciplined drawing time. More artz is good.

So, I might be leaving yon pawne shoppe, depending on whether or not I can work both jobs part-time. What saddens me about it all is that I've worked that shop for over three years and never documented any of my hilaribad encounters therein. I've shared plenty of tales in icychat, but never thought to log them since it's my usual policy not to icyquote myself.

It's impossible to completely rectify that in a single post, but here's a sample of what just happened to me TODAY--a perfect example of why I've loved working at that damn shop.

DK: What's up in the land of shoe
Myshu: Well, today at the shoppe I had a young man begging for more time on his loan
Myshu: It was a Smith & Wesson .40
Myshu: "I really really don't want to lose my pistol, man... I already lost my other one when my home boy shot himself with it."
Myshu: "He what"
Mozz: "I miss that gun, dammit. oh and my friend too, i guess."
DK: lmao
Myshu: "Yeah man, the cops took it."
Mozz: hahaha
DK: Way to live in the madcap world of urban crime, man
Myshu: "Yeah that... sucks, man. Good luck getting your gun back from that."
Myshu: Anyway we saw him again and again over the next hour or two as he kept trying to bring in junk to pawn so he'd have enough money to make an extension payment on his other pawn
Myshu: What a vicious cycle
DK: Truly, truly

9:35pm: Ew virus
So Sunday night I got fragged by a computer virus that called itself the skynet worm, all while browsing DeviantArt. I had AVG+firewall running and it was updated to the previous day, and the sonuvabitch let this thing through the door anyway--while TELLING ME it was doing so. Before I could finish saying "WTF" I was infected.

It was a huge chore to get rid of that bastard, since even attempting to load Windows in safe mode generated a slew of errors. Eventually I went into system recovery and set things back to... July, which is weird because I figured I had a more recent backup than that. Now the virus is gone, but some of my applications won't function straight--like, AVG deleted half of itself and Outlook Express's address book won't load.
But it's all cool, I reckon, since for a while I feared scrapping my harddrive altogether.

Anyway, screw AVG. I got avast! instead. Also screw you, DeviantArt, for selling out to the Russian mob. Like hell if I'm going to pay you protection money for an account with no exploit-ridden ads.

(fight The Man, fight it, rawr rawr rawr)

P.S: I need a new mood theme or somethin'... somethin' not generic.

1:16am: Whoop, there she is

Greed:	Very Low
Gluttony:	Low
Wrath:	Very Low
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Low
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	Low

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Huh, thought Pride would score higher than that.

(hi thar LJ, it's my annual post.)

10:22pm: Blind Bat
Myshu: gwar shit first time setting foot on LJ in like a year
Myshu: It's like stepping out of a dark movie theater
Myshu: I have to wear sunglasses for this shit
Donraj: Myshu would it help if some of us jumped out and shouted "BOO!!!" at you?
Myshu: The fuck you sayin', man
Donraj: Only that that would help since that's what you would normally do to someone who was dazed and half-blinded!
Donraj: D:
Donraj: (Ask MK)
Myshu: Uh...huh.
maggiekarp: yeah that's pretty much the score on what to do about dazed and half-blinded people

So... what's up?

I hear there's this... economy thing. It's allegedly bad. From my position as a pawn shop clerk for the past two years, I really couldn't tell you anything about it; we get the same slew of unkempt assholes, hustlers and No-Hablo-Engleses we always have. Business is steady.

My sympathies to everyone struggling with the ol' jorb, looking for a jorb or trying to get a better jorb. I was in that poor place a year ago (of course, MY economic crisis was self-inflicted.)

I figure I am lucky to be working in a place that pays well enough to cover my half of the rent and all my bills (plus ramen) for only 30 hours a week, that stays interesting at least 10 of those hours, and that apparently won't fire me even if I "strip naked and run down the aisles," according to my manager (of course HE wouldn't, the perv.)

Anyway, even if I forget this place for another twelve months or so, you can always catch me on DeviantArt or in #icybrian. I practically live there.

Peace, dudes.

3:18pm: And I'm back
Ah, home. Power outages suck. Glad that's over. Everything's green here--except down the street, which is a dump.

Where did this dog on my bed come from?

(No beer and TV make Homer go something-something...)

3:53pm: Evacuating, Take 2
Again!

(Upgrading to a friend's brick house.)

Sis is in labor at the hospital as I type this, so she and baby are lucky enough to be bunkered in at a hospital.

What a week.

12:55pm: oops back
Home again. Oops, storm missed us. Good luck to Louisiana with that Angry Fist of God(tm). Thanks besides to those who wished me well!

Note to self: bring own computer next time, to fascilitate WoW playage.

7:20pm: Evacuating the Gulf Coast
Why are all these damn Mexicans trying to kill us?!

(Relatedly, damn you, Donraj.)

4:16pm: Ketchup
( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

9:00pm: My First Wreck (AKA: I am a bad driver)
My car bumped front driver's side wheels with an SUV in the middle of a turning lane. We were both pulling out onto the highway, going opposite directions. We are both young, female, inexperienced drivers ("This is my first truck," she lamented, and I refrained from pointing out that it was not technically a truck.) Neither of us got hurt.

Her parents showed up immediately--they did all the talking for her. The police were very polite. I don't know if the other girl got a ticket, but I didn't get one. If anything, I'd say the fault of the accident was mutual; it could have been avoided if either one of us were paying a little more attention.

The SUV's wheel was FUBAR, so it got towed. My car's steering is all borked, but I could drive home. I'm going to go pick up the police report etc. tomorrow and figure out what my insurance is going to do.

I continue to amaze myself with how calm and detached I become in traumatic situations. My only thoughts were strategic ones: what I should be doing next, what I'm responsible for, and how to act appropriate and polite towards the girl's family and the police. I didn't feel any emotions (maybe annoyance at some ruined plans.) Meanwhile, the girl was shaken up and in tears. It reminded me of the times, years ago, when we had to call the police for the family--with Amber trembling and sobbing in shock while I smoothly spoke with 911 and finished my sandwich.

It's a surreal way to be. It also feels like instant karma; I almost hit a man on a bicycle this morning.

Your retribution is complete, bicycle man.

--- 8-9-04:
"Hey!
Cool the fuck off!
Sit the fuck down!
And shut the fuck up."

7:45pm: Checkup
I survived! Nagging cough, feelin' good. No news is good news.

I'm told both at home and at work that I have a "sneaky" quality. Not the deceptive or malicious kind, just the "holy fuck I didn't see you standing there, where the fuck did you come from" kind. Like a cat.

(PROTIP: I am Catwoman)

On the creative front:
In-between posting updates to comic, I've started re-writing "Awakening the Hero" from the beginning because it desperately, desperately needs it. Desperately. The prose is so pretentious, so cumbersome, so bad (much like this paragraph.)
Hopefully I'll catch that up and finish the story in earnest, because it's been SO long since I've done anything nice for Chrono Trigger and I find myself still deeply fond of it, even after all these years. And besides, that fic is kinda related to Chimera Quest.

I have ANOTHER FFIX fic idea plot bunny thing, but I am SAVING IT for a SPECIAL OCCASION.

--- 8-7-04:
I'm learning a lot from the StarFox comics I've found!

fun Lylatian facts:

* they call each other animals
* Venom's native inhabitants are lizards - the lizards under Andross are called "imperial guards"
* the skeletal monster on Titania is a Zeid Parasite in its 13th growth stage
* Aquas boss = Bacoon in its Beta cycle
* General Pepper loves lollipops!
* one zillidrone <= one mile
* "Land of my species pride,
World without ecocide,
Evolution we don't abide!
Let freedom bark!"
* planet Solar: surface temp = 13,000 degrees :: Arwing tolerance = 9,000 degrees
* Acidevil fighters defend Venom airspace

9:46pm: Rules of Engagement (Girly TMI)
( Girly TMI alert )

8:37pm: Quick Moving Update
According to my sister, "morning sickness" is a deceptive name, considering it lasts all day.

So news news news on future livings: I was misinformed about Aunt Elsie's rejection of felines, and will be visiting her home with Granny this Saturday. I'm only a little wary of moving in with some old lady I barely know, even if she's related (somehow--whose aunt is she, anyway?)

However, the whole venture might be unnecessary, as Micah and sis have expressed a desire for me to stay with them. They're considering finding a three-bedroom trailer home (like the one my uncle owns), and putting it on a lot Micah's family owns. It's a lot of money to throw into initially, but in the long run it's cheaper than le apartment. Despite occasional grumblings, I rather like living with them, and on the same token they like and trust me enough to want me to kick around and split the bills.

Furthermore, I was assured that A) I could have a kitty and B) I would NOT have to babysit. Sis said this more out of concern for her child than for my distaste of rugrats ("I... don't think you're QUITE responsible enough to leave alone with a baby," she said kindly), and considering I made the transition from butter knives to kitchen knives for the first time the other night and STILL cut my finger, I am not offended.

WOO YAY KITTY

--- 8-3-04:
I. WILL KILL. TEAM ROCKET.
It will rock.

6:12pm: Reubicar
In light of my last post, I've started considering moving options. I intend to leave sometime after sis's graduation (May 10th). With luck, she'll find a good job with her biology degree. Med school is utterly out of the question now. She'd been giving that second thoughts since last summer, anyway.

Basically, all I need is a place I can afford that allows cats. Being alone is preferable, but optional.

( Here's the breakdown thus far. (Blah blah it's long and boring) )

So... anybody out there looking for a roommate?

:3


P.S: I've started making catfaces and now I can't stop :3

--- 7-28-04:
"Have you ever been in love?"
"What kind of asinine question is that?"
"I don't know... I was just curious."
"Then spare me. I don't need to have fallen in love to know."
"Know what?"
"What it does. How it turns people to mush. How it makes the strong tremble, and the intelligent as feeble as idiots. Empires have fallen and wars rage on in the name of 'love.' What difference does it make? It's just the gods' cheap tool--a mind trick to encourage procreation--a biochemical, 'feel good' incentive. They just disguised it as some profound, righteous cause to keep any random retard from seeing it for what it really is. People are too busy looking for meaning in their lives to see the truth... In the end, it all doesn't mean a damn."
"Sounds like the words of someone who's loved and lost."
"Hrmph. What would you know? You're just a kid."
"True. ...But I know love."
"...You don't have to keep talking. You already proved you were an idiot a long time ago."

11:26pm: To the Summary-mobile
Christmas was good. Pleasant. Adequate food (free popcorn chicken). Fulfilled familial obligations with little trouble or embarrassment. Scraped together enough money to make rent this month despite slacking last month. Sister has been phenomenally kind and patient with my bullshit (I don't deserve her). Didn't have to work too much, or too hard. Haven't killed Micah (he doesn't know it, but his Christmas present is coming late--as soon as I can unlazy and draw it.)

Generally optimistic, as usual. Life is good.

( Today at work... )

--- 7-23-04:
--- metaful colophors
*hic* "I'm gonna wipe my ass with your floor, man!"
*grimace*

5:11pm: Where's my hole
I got a glazed donut without a hole in it from the Cambodians' "Happy Donuts." I thought it was a filled one, y'know? I chewed all the way through to find the filling, but it was just, just donut. I either want a hole or jelly in my donut, or I'll teach YOU alphabet.

I don't know how this got through gmail's spam filter, but just when you thought Russian mail-order brides were the oldest joke ever:

Hello, my gentleman!

I can't remove my eyes from you. You are so handsome and so interesting man,
I have never met before into my life.
If you are not against, I would be glad to get acquainted with you. As usual
men got acquainted with me, but everything is different today.
I want to get acquainted with you and it will be very sad if you don't want
to know me.
Maybe I am very ordinary person from one look, and you won't fall in love
from the first sight. But don't be very precipitate at coming to your
decision. It may be fatal, because I can be a woman whom you are waiting
for, whom you need every morning and every night, who will be your support
and your love for the rest of life.
Let me come into your life, and I will light your life with love
http://therussianbrides.info/(exact URL censored)

Holy crap, I'm handsome!

And in the shoppe today:
Boboss: "John, you forgot to clock in, you... you faggot."
John: "..."

--- 7-21-04:
"How can... how can a holy eidolon cause so much death? How can it kill indiscriminately, like a monster?"
"Holy has nothing to do with right or wrong. It's about purity. Pure rage, pure hatred... pure love."

9:31pm: Customer's log
I figured this would be a good place to log my silly pawn shop escapades. For my own... edification? Okay wrong word, but bleah, who knows. Maybe I'll write a fuckin' book someday. Or maybe this is just the kind of crap LJ is for.

Today we had a gravelly old lady in pajamas and OJ Simpson gloves shopping for jewelry. Why the gloves? It's 70 degrees out. But you don't ask those sorts of things.

Boboss called on my help to sort gold rings--specifically, rings with colored stones. He's colorblind. And so is WoWoss. And I haven't asked the third manager yet, but he's just a rookie and is (given our luck) colorblind as well.
Learning this alongside the fact that Boboss was the one who picked out the paint for the store's interior cleared up quite a few things... aesthetically. Particularly the interchanging use of pastel green, peach and tan.

I reckon that's it for now.

--- 7-10-04:
"It's not sentimentality. It's faith."

7:53pm: He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named
So I see the posts on my friends page are divided into either "AAAFINALSHOLIDAYSPACKINGFAMILYCHRISTMASSUXheadexplosion" or "lols internet," which is to be expected right around now, I suppose. Good luck to everyone in the former category.

You-Know-Who-You-are officially off my ignore list. I guess we'll talk again... whenever! Just remember to keep it real, dude.

Went to a penance service today. Why do I always feel MORE guilty after leaving confession than before I go in? Oh well, humility check.

( At the Pawne Shoppe )

Still don't know where KH2 came from, but enjoying the heck out of it, obliviously.

--- 7-5-04:
"REST, damn it. Diving out into the heat of things in your condition will only get yourself killed. Then who are you going to help? Why don't you stop being such a selfless little critter for once, quit worrying about the others and look after yourself?"
"I don't wanna think about myself... At least, if my mind's on the others, there's some hope. At least there's some chance of survival for them. I don't wanna think about what's going to happen to me."
"The Phoenix will be recovered."
"..."
"It will. Don't lose hope for yourself. If you can't hope for your own sake, how much can you for others?"